JAIPUR - FROM JESTING PILATE -HUXLEY - I SHOULD SEND FIVE RUPEES TO GET THE DETAILS OF THE ADULTERY CURE ...SO MUCH CHEAPER THAN DIVORCE

AT JAIPUR we were fortunate in having an introduction to one of the 
great thakurs of the State. He was a mighty landholder, the owner of 
twenty villages with populations ranging from five hundred to as many 
thousands, a feudal lord who paid for his fief (until, a year or two ago, 
a somewhat simpler and more modern system of tenure was introduced) 
by contributing to the State army one hundred and fifty armed and 
mounted men. This nobleman was kind enough to place his elephant at 
our disposal. 

It was a superb and particularly lofty specimen, with gold-mounted 
tusks; ate two hundredweight of food a day and must have cost at least 
six hundred a year to keep. An expensive pet. But" for a man in the 
thakur's position, we gathered, indispensable, a necessity. Pachyderms in 
Rajputana are what glass coaches were in Europe a century and a half 
ago essential luxuries. 

The thakur was a charming and cultured man, hospitably kind as only 
Indians can be. But at the risk of seeming ungrateful, I must confess 
that, of all the animals I have ever ridden, the elephant is the most 
uncomfortable mount. On the level, it is true, the motion is not too 
bad. One seems to be riding on a small chronic earthquake; that is all. 
The earthquake becomes more disquieting when the beast begins to 
climb. But when it goes downhill, it is like the end of the world. The 
animal descends very slowly and with an infinite caution, planting one 
huge foot deliberately before the other, and giving you time between 
each calculated step to anticipate the next convulsive spasm of movement 
a spasm that seems to loosen from its place every organ in the rider's 
body, that twists the spine, that wrenches all the separate muscles of 
the loins and thorax. The hills round Jaipur are not very high. Fortu- 
nately; for by the end of the three or four hundred feet of our climbing 
and descending, we had almost reached the limits of our endurance. I 
returned full of admiration for Hannibal. He crossed the Alps on an 
elephant. 

We made two expeditions with the pachyderm; one over a rocky 



pass entailing, there and back, two climbs and two sickening descents 
to the tanks and ruined temples of Galta, and one to the deserted 
palaces of Amber. Emerging from the palace precincts I record the 
trivial and all too homely incident, because it set me mournfully reflect- 
ing about the cosmos our monster halted and, with its usual delibera- 
tion, relieved nature, portentously. Hardly, the operation over, had it 
resumed its march when an old woman who had been standing at the 
door of a hovel among the ruins, expectantly waiting we had wondered 
for what darted forward and fairly threw herself on the mound of 
steaming excrement. There was fuel here, I suppose, for a week's cooking. 
"Salaam, Maharaj," she called up to us, bestowing in her gratitude the 
most opulent title she could lay her tongue to. Our passage had been 
to her like a sudden and unexpected fall of manna. She thanked us; she 
blessed the great and charitable Jumbo for his Gargantuan bounty. 

Our earthquake lurched on. I thought of the scores of millions of 
human beings to whom the passage of an unconstipated elephant seems 
a godsend, a stroke of enormous good luck. The thought depressed me. 
Why are we here, men and women, eighteen hundred millions of us, 
on this remarkable and perhaps unique planet? To what end? Is it to go 
about looking for dung cow dung, horse dung, the enormous and 
princely excrement of elephants? Evidently it is for a good many of 
us, at any rate. It seemed an inadequate reason, I thought, for our being 
here immortal souls, first cousins of the angels, own brothers of Buddha 
and Mozart and Sir Isaac Newton. 

But a little while later I saw that I was wrong to let the consideration 
depress me. If it depressed me, that was only because I looked at the 
whole matter from the wrong end, so to speak. In painting my mental 
picture of the dung-searchers I had filled my foreground with the figures 
of Sir Isaac Newton and the rest of them. These, I perceived, should 
have been relegated to the remote background and the foreground should 
have been filled with cows and elephants. The picture so arranged, I 
should have been able to form a more philosophical and proportionable 
estimate of the dung-searchers. For I should have seen at a glance how 
vastly superior were their activities to those of the animal producers of 
dung in the foreground. The philosophical Martian would admire the 
dung-searchers for having discovered a use for dung; no other animal, 
he would point out, has had the wit to do more than manufacture it. 

We are not Martians and our training makes us reluctant to think of 
ourselves as animals. Nobody inquires why cows and elephants inhabit 
the world. There is as little reason why we should be here, eating, drink- 
ing, sleeping and in the intervals reading metaphysics, saying prayers, 



CAWNPORE  

or collecting dung. We are here, that is all; and like other animals we 
do what our native capacities and our environment permit of our doing. 
Our achievement, when we compare it with that of cows and elephants, 
is remarkable. They automatically make dung; we collect it and turn it 
into fuel. It is not something to be depressed about; it is something to 
be proud of. Still, in spite of the consolations of philosophy, I remained 
pensive. 



Cawnpore 

From Jesting Pilate 

FROM its advertisements much may be learned of a nation's character 
and habits of thought. The following brief anthology of Indian adver- 
tisements is compiled from newspapers, magazines, medical catalogues, 
and the like. Several of the most characteristic specimens are taken from 
the Cawnpore Congress Guide, an official publication intended for the 
use of delegates and interested visitors. It is with one of these appeals 
to India's most enlightened public that I make a beginning. 

Beget a son and Be Happy by using the SON BIRTH PILLS, 
my special secret Hindu Shastrick preparation, according to direc- 
tions. Ladies who have given birth to daughters only WILL SURELY 
HAVE SONS NEXT, and those who have sons MUST HAVE MALE ISSUES 
ONCE AGAIN by the Grace of God. Fortunate persons desirous of 
begetting sons are bringing this marvelous Something into use for 
brightening their dark homes and making their lives worth their 
living. It is very efficacious and knows no failure. Self-praise is no 
recommendation. Try and be convinced. But if you apply, mention- 
ing this publication, with full history of your case, along with a con- 
sultation fee ot Rupees Ten (Foreign one guinea) only giving your 
"Word of Honor" to give me a SUITABLE REWARD (naming the 
amount) according to your means and position in life, just on the 
accomplishment of your desire in due course of time, you can have 
the same Free, ABSOLUTELY FREE. Act immediately, for this FREE 
OFFER may not remain open indefinitely. 

Here are some pleasing Hair-oil advertisements from various sources: 



Dr. *s Scented Almond Oil. Best preparation to be used as 

hair oil for men who do mental work. The effects of almond oil on 
brain are known to everybody. 

Jabukusum is a pure vegetable oil, to which medicinal ingredients 
and the perfume have been added to prevent all affectations (sic) of 
the hair and the brain. 

There are several panaceas on the Indian market. There is, for exam- 
ple, Sidda Kalpa Makaradhwaja which "is a sure and infallible specific 
for all Diseases, and it never fails to effect a satisfactory cure in the 
patient, be his ailment whatever it may. Among the various diseases 
amenable to its administration, to state a few, are the following: Debility, 
general or nervous, including Nervous Prostration, due to whatever cause, 
Loss of Memory, Giddiness and Insanity . . . Asthma and Consumption, 
all stomach troubles . . . Cholera ... all Kidney and Bladder Troubles 
... all Acute and Chronic Venereal Diseases . . . Leprosy of all kinds, 
White, Black, Red, etc. . . . Rheumatism, Paralysis, Epilepsy . . . Hysteria, 
Sterility . . . and all Fevers, including Malaria, Pneumonia, Influenza, 
and such other poisonous ones." 

Not a bad medicine, but I prefer the "Infallible Cure for Incurable 
Diseases, Habits, and Defects'* advertised in the Cawnpore Guide. The 
announcement runs as follows: 

I have discovered the natural system of cure for all diseases, 
habits, defects, failings, etc., without the use of deleterious and 
pernicious drugs or medicines. Being Scientific, it is absolutely safe, 
simple, painless, pleasant, rapid, and infallible. Diseases like hysteria, 
epilepsy, rheumatism, loss of memory, paralysis, insanity and mania; 
addiction to smoking, opium, drink etc.; impotence, sterility, adultery, 
and the like can be radically cured duly by My System. Come to me 
after everyone else has failed to do you good. I guarantee a cure in 
every case undertaken. Every case needs to be treated on its special 
merits, and so applicants should furnish me with the complete history 
of the health of the patient and general occupation from birth, height, 
measurement over chest or bust, waist and hips, and a photograph 
with as little dress on as possible, along with a consultation fee of 
Rupees Five, without which no replies can be sent. 

If the buying of a postal order were not so insuperable a nuisance, I 
should send five rupees to get the details of the adultery cure. So much 
cheaper than divorce. 

CHRONICON SAXONICUS 867 ANNO DOMINUS - DOGS OF IMENSE SIZE -PRUSSIA 856 AD MONSTER DOGS IN TRIER - THE MONSTERS AMONG US IN TIMES OF WONDERS AND FAMISHED POOR PEOPLE

LONDON'S FAMISHED

POOR

LEADERS OF RANK AND FASHION GO SLUMMING.

SHOCKING SIDELIGHTS

ON GREAT CITY'S

UNDERWORLD.

(By Wilkinson Sherren;

LONDON, December 31, 1903.

Among the rich in England there is a sudden boom in slumming. Though often spoken of as the "wealthiest city in the world," London presents this -winter a startling spectacle of contrasting luxury and dire distress. The Thames Embank- ment gradually developed into the clear- ing-house of human -wreckage, until a week or two ago the scandal became so great that the Salvation Army, -with official en- couragement, took tho situation in hand. Every night officers from General Booth's headquarters escort thousands of derelicts to shelters and "doss-houses," where warmth and soup are provided free.

»So compelling has this glaring demon- stration of London misery become, how- ever, that all sections of society, and »li political partie« in the realm have awak- ened to the necessity for action. Conserva- tive politicians charge all the unemplry

ment to the account of the Freetraders, |

who have maintained England's policy of . free imports. They contend if a tariff j were imposed on manufactured goods im-

ported from abroad there would be greater industrial activity in home centres, and I many ot these penniless wrecks would bs I ' employed. Liberals, on the other hand,

blame the British bystem of land tenure, and say the only hope is to make it pos- sible for country laborers to secure access

! to small holdings, so that they may not

DEAD OR MERELY SLEEPING?

It is hard to tell very often whether the human wrecks along the Embankment are dead or slumbering. Their pallid faces have the hue of death. Sometimes in the grey dawn police do come upon unfortunate victims crushed beneath Fortune's wheel-starved to death, under the shadow of luxurious hotels.

j drift to towns in the mistaken expectation of improving' their position.

Meanwhile wealthy men and women in their West End mansions have heard the wail of the starving denizens of London's back alleys more this winter than ever be- fore. Tremendous impetus has been given to the Personal Service Association, born | just a year ago, whose ? members pledge

themselves to devote personal efforts to better the lot of those who exist miserably in the shadow of metropolitan poverty. How widely the movement has gripped society may be seen from the fact that tne president of this new organisation is the Marquis of Salisbury, son of the famous Conservative ex-Premier, and a vice-pre- sident is Mrs. Asquith, wife 'of the head of the Liberal Party to-day.

For it has become known to all that while the ingenuity of. British statesmen has been bent on organising a territoiial force of volunteers, and men have bean enthusing over the rapidly-growing bat- talions of citizen soldiers, an army of a different character has been mustering the capital of the British Empire.

London is a magnefc that draws all types of people from the country, and a tradition that her streets arc paved with gold at- tracts not only the ambitious but the un- fortunate from every part of the land. During the summer months the presence of the social failures is not so noticeable, bo cause of the lure of the open road and the facilities for sleeping out in the parks. But now, with the arrival of winter, rich and comfortable London is confronted with her spectral army of failures and unfortu- nates, of unemployables and genuine out

of-works.

By an irony of circumstance London's spectacle of want and woe assumes its most wretched and heartrending phase within hail of the Houses of Parliament, where nt» raw has yet been devised to benefit the lot of th<- distressed to any material extent. The Thames Embankment has the national "talking shop" at one end and Blackfriars Bridge at the other, and between thefee points there is a nightly parade of the army of despair, a large number of whom belong to the class described by Gorky as "crea- tures that once were men." Above them may be seen the sparkling windows of

ONE OF LONDON'S HOMELESS WOMEN.

Bound for some railway arch, with a bag oí shavings for-her bed and scraps of broken food in her basket.

famous hotels shining cheerily in the night -symbols of well-being in brutal juxta- position to human misery.

To accompany one of the emissaries of the Salvation Army at midnight is to come full tilt against tragedy. Men, stupeäed with sleep blunder by with moth-like mo- tions, or snatch fitful repose on the seats.

To each is given a food ticket, but most of the recipients might be dead men for all the response it evokes.

There have been many pilgrimages in the history of England, but none like the nightly journey of homeless and starving

men along the Thames Embankment to the Millbank Shelter, for a basin of soup and a hunch of bread. I saw all sorts and con- ditions of men too dazed by ills-self-in- flicted and fate-inflicted-even to enjoy the brief respite from the cold horror of the streets. Drugged with weariness, gaunt with hunger, fevered with impotent de- spair, the battalions'of the lost looked like dismal caracatnres of the busy and well employed people who carry on the work ol London. As a handful of chaff is scattered in the air and lost, so the members of this

midnight supper party disappeared. ¡

Shelter of any kind is their life's great problem. Old women may be seen carry- ing bits of broken food in their baskets or a bed of shavings in a sack, which the,y spread under a railway arch. Their faces are seamed with lines of sordid care; tlteiv

mouths are shaped in the curves of a hope- '? less destiny. Other unfortunates limp the streets all night, snatching brief intervals

of unquiet slumber on doorsteps, to be sup- ! plemented with "forty winks" on E-nbank- j

ment seats till moved cm by the police.

The British workhouse is a notoriously ' unpopular institution -with the poor folk it ! was designed by law to help. Poverty in Britain is still considered to be more or less of a crime, anêl social failures incur some stigma even now by availing them,-." selves of the help the Poor Law affords.

A few days ago there came to light the case of two old people yvno preferred to die of destitution rather than go into the workhouse. Sarah Smith, aged 71, earned her bread by cleaning doorsteps, and had never applied for an old age pension, the probability being that she had not heard of the scheme. Isaac Harris, agEd 63. formerly a policeman and a publican, though practically starving, declined to apply for relief of any kind, stating that he "would not lower himself" by do'ng so. The coroner spoke the epitaph over these two unfortunate people, in which the ugly word starvation figured as a con- tributory cause of death. So, it will be seen, pride is not an exclusive attribute of the highest ranks of British society.

One of the most shocking stories of want and woe this -winter has been told to the magistrate at Willesden, a northern district of London. The authorities ha'ed

a man before the court for non-payment . of the poor rate-a levy made on the pub- lic for the assistance of the indigent. In answer to the charge he handed the magis- trate a letter from his wife couched in the following terms:

"Poer rates! Why, there are none poorer than we are, and if you take my husband away I don't know what -will be- come of me and the children. If you knew what we have gone through you would have pity. A few months ago my baby, aged eight months, died of starvation, and at night the parish undertaker called for the body and placed it in his handbag, in which was another body." Such cases frequently crop up. confirming the truth of the saying, "HalF the world does-not know how the other half lives." Police Court authorities in such cases excuse the payment of the rates, but there are thousands whose plaint is never heard.

Ugly pospibilities of modern civilised life are made terribly plain by this leal torn from the page of living London-the

poor taxed for the poor, and their offspring when dead carried away like a parcel from the store.

1171 ANDOVER GIGANTIC PIG LIKE THING 

PRIEST STRUCK BY LIGHTNING 

O CHUPA-CABRAS SURGE COM MAIS FREQUÊNCIA 

 NOS ANOS DE MISÉRIA DO MÉXICO ANOS 90

NA IRLANDA UND ENGLAND NOS ANOS DE 1874 E 1905 DEAD SHEEP

o jornalismo prefere os temas sobrenaturaes à miséria humana é natural

1855 great sea serpent - silver lake new york

Michigan  - scores of airships 1896-97

1925 THE YETI DOESN'T EXIST 

BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH BRAINS TO REALIZE IT 

Society at large is uneasy. The groans of the slaves of hunger have at last pene- trated into the secluded atmosphère ot mansions and castles. Nobody is ignorant of the fact that winter has let loose the hounds of cold and wet upon England's army of unwilling martyrs. Social students, knowing the close connection between de- spair and violence, have agitated in season and out of season among tlie well-to-do for sympathetic attention to social problems. Hence the establishment of this Personal Service Association, which ca'ls for nvn and women to visit regularly through the winter one or more families in the poorer i districts of London.

1 Some of the best-known names in English

life are associated with this effort and ap- peal. They work in co-operation with various philanthropic agencies. Al- ready many families have been lifted out of the ranks of distress by the ¡ persistent interest and influence of a

friend. Young girls and boys have been rescued from illness and idleness, side , people given the chance of recoveiy, and j wage-earners persuaded to make provision

I for the future. Besides the actual services

I rendered, real friendships have been formed j between the helper and the helped, and

some understanding arrived at of eacñ other's problems.

Sentimental sops for economic woes is the generaî verdict passed bj- Socialists on Icindly and ameliorative efforts such as those fostered by this association. Some pobtical theorists foresee the red rag of revolu- tion, and talk wildly of the omnipotence ot the proletariat. 

Sober and competent observers discount wiLd prophecies, and look hopefully to Parliament to work out a scheme of salvation _ for the unemployed and of care and disciplinary control of the unemployables. This problem figures largely in the general election in England to-day.

Though the visits of the moneyed to the moneyless is a healthy sign of the state ot public sentiment, there are still many places never penetrated by well to-do visitors, where lurid lights from the under-

world shine in ominous warning.

Among the stunted and starvling freqiienters of the Anarchist and Socialist clubs in the East-End of London can be heard the threats bom of dangerous prOpaganda. There congregate many different i types-idealists more or less broken in the machinery of modem conditions, men obsessed with enthusiasm, half crazy with theories of immediate social betterment who find inspiration in despair, and who in- toxicate themselves on revengeful dreams. They have no country; men of eyery nationality, they are united by a creed that, maintained with aposto'ic fervor, gains many recruits in times of distress.

Social workers on London's East side are therefore sounding the warning that it left alone in their misery, the half-starved, worklesB atoms in the slums may, by the forces of desperation, be brought into dangerous cohesion under the goadir* gibes

of reckless agitators. 

SOCIAL OUTCASTS SLEEPING ON THE EMBANKMENT.

Day and night the Embankment by the side of the Thames is the resting-place of many of London's homeless ?wanderer, though it is at night that the horde gathers in full force to receive tickets for food and shelter. The police often have difficulty in rousing the starving slumbers.